SIGNS OF THE TIMES
A Small Paper With Small Articles Because It's Just Plain Small

Groaners

Compiled By:
JD Hoeye
  1. How do you get an Italian out of the bathtub?
    Turn on the water.
  2. Why do Italians wear hats?
    So they can tell which end to wipe.
  3. Did you hear about the Polack who studied five days for a urine test?
  4. How do you keep five niggers from raping a white girl?
    Throw in a basketball.
  5. Why did God give niggers rhythem?
    Because he fucked up their hair.
  6. What's black, bubbles and scratches at the window?
    A nigger in a microwave.
  7. Why do niggers wear wide brim hats?
    To keep the birds from sitting on their lips.
  8. Why do niggers wear platform shoes?
    To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.
  9. What are the three thing you can't give a black man?
    A black eye, a fat lip, or a job.
  10. Why do niggers wear turtlenecks?
    To hide their flea collars.
  11. What's the Great White Hope?
    Sickle Cell Anemia.
  12. What's the difference between a black woman and a bowling ball?
    If you had to, you could eat a bowling ball.
  13. What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a computer?
    A Hairy Reasoner.
  14. Why is San Francisco like granola?
    Because once you get past the fruits and nuts, all you have is flakes.
  15. Why don't Mexicans have barbeques?
    Because the beans fall through the grill.
  16. Who did so many niggers die in Vietnam?
    Because everytime someone yelled "Get Down" they all got up and danced.
  17. Why did Helen Keller use 2 hands to masturbate?
    One to do it and one to moan.
  18. Did you hear why Micky Mouse is divorcing Minnie Mouse?
    Because she's fucking Goofy.
  19. What goes "Marc marc"?
    A dog with a hairlip.
  20. What goes "Nort nort"?
    A bull with a hairlip.
  21. What do you get when you cross a rooster with peanut butter?
    A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
  22. Did you hear about Billy Jean Queen?
    She can lick any chick on the circuit.
  23. A nigger walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where did you get that?"
    The parrot says, "Africa."
  24. What's black and shines in the dark?
    Oakland.
  25. Why do humming birds hum?
    Because they don't know the words.
  26. What's Ronald Reagan's favorite vegetable?
    John Brady.
  27. Why does Nancy Reagan always climb on top?
    Because Ronnie can only fuck-up.
  28. Did you hear about the new Ronald Reagan Bucket at Kentucky Fried Chicken?
    It's full of right wings and assholes.
  29. Why did God create the orgasm?
    So niggers would know when to stop fucking.
  30. What do you get when you cross Poland with the Garden of Eden?
    The garden of "Cretin."
  31. Why don't they have ice cubes in Poland?
    They lost the recipe.
  32. Where do the Irish keep their armies?
    Up their sleevies.
  33. Why does Miss Pigggy use a honey and vinegar douche?
    Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
  34. Why don't midgets wear tampons?
    Because they trip over the string.
  35. Do you know what they have a surplus of in Atlanta?
    Size 4 sneakers.
  36. What's yellow and ugly and sleeps alone?
    Yoko Ono.
  37. Why don't they have any black snow skiers?
    Because their lips explode at 1000 feet.
  38. Did youk hear about the queer Austrailian?
    He went back to Sidney.
  39. What kind of meat do priests eat?
    None.
  40. Why don't they let Polacks swim in Lake Michigan?
    Because they leave a ring.
  41. What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a centipede?
    I don't know, but you should see how fast it picks lettuce.
  42. What do you get when you cross an Iranian with a Mexican?
    Oil of ole`
  43. Where is an elephant's sex organ?
    In his feet; if he steps on you you're fucked.
  44. What's black and white and has three eyes?
    Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinatra.
  45. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. It has to be willing to change itself.
  46. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
    Five. One to screw it in and four to share the experiance.
  47. How many people from Marin does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. They screw in hot tubs.
  48. What do you get when you plant ten black children next to each other?
    Afro-turf.
  49. Why don't blacks marry Mexicans?
    They're afraid thier kids would be too lazy to steal.
  50. When does a black man become a nigger?
    When he leaves the room.
  51. What's grey and black and looks great on a nigger?
    A police dog.
  52. Why do Mexicans wear tin-foil on the noses?
    To keep their lunch warm.
  53. What's black and white and getting whiter by the day?
    Answer Missing.
  54. What is black and red and goes 160 miles per hour?
    A black baby in a blender.
  55. What's grey and comes in quarts?
    An elephant.
  56. What goes into thirteen twice?
    Roman Polanski.
  57. How do you break a Polack's finger?
    Punch him in the nose.
  58. Did you hear about the Polack who thought Moby Dick was a venarial desease?
  59. What's the definition of a dope ring?
    20 Italians sitting around in a circle.
  60. Why don't black babies play in sand boxes?
    Because the cats keep covering them up.
  61. How many pallbearers do you need at a black man's funeral?
    Five. Four to carry the casket and one to carry the radio.
  62. Why can't you circumcise an Iranian?
    Because there's no end to those pricks.
  63. Did you hear about the queer burglar?
    He couldn't blow the safe, so he went down on the elevator.
  64. Did you hear about the queer deaf-mute?
    Neither did he.
  65. What sound does a horny toad make?
    "Rub-it! Rub-it!"
  66. Did you hear about the Italian girl who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass?
  67. Why are Italian mothers square-shouldered?
    From raising dumbbells.
  68. How can you spot an Italian airplane?
    By the hair under it's wings.
  69. How do you brainwash an Italian?
    Give him an enema.
  70. What's the difference between an Iranian and a hypodermic needle?
    None. They're both a pain in the ass.
  71. Who won the Italian beauty contest?
    No one.
  72. What's the difference between a Polish girl and a bowling ball?
    If you had to, you could eat a bowling ball.
  73. What do you call a female clone?
    A clunt.
  74. What's the difference between niggers and radial tires?
    Radial tires don't sing when you put them in chains.
  75. Why do Italians bury their dead with their butts up in the air?
    So they can use them as bicycle racks.
  76. Did you hear about the Italian who was asked to be a Jehovah's Witness?
    He refused because he didn't see the accident.
  77. What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?
    Good afternoon, ladies.
  78. Why do Polacks carry shit in their wallets?
    For identification.
  79. A Polack and a nigger jump out of a plane at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
    Who Cares.
  80. How do you get a cleenex to dance?
    Blow a little boogie into it.
  81. Did you hear about the new German microwave?
    It seats 12.
  82. What do you call a Polack wih an I.Q. of 175?
    A village.
  83. How do you fit 500 Jews in a Volkswagon?
    Put them in the ashtray.
  84. Why can't Billy Jean King play tennis anymore?
    She got her finger caught in a dike.
  85. How should you save a drowning nigger?
    Throw him an anchor.
  86. What do you call a Polish girl with half a brain?
    Gifted.
  87. Why do women have two holes so close together?
    In case you miss.
  88. Did you hear about the polack who turned down a job because he was afraid it would affect his unemployment benefits?
  89. What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland?
    A tourist.
  90. Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook?
    "100 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
  91. What do you call a black skindiver?
    Jacques Custodian.
  92. What's green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?
    A frog in a blender.
  93. What do you call a gay Jew?
    A Heblew.
  94. How do you babysit a black baby?
    Wet its lips and stick it to the wall.
  95. What do you get when you cross a Pollack and a Mongoloid with one leg?
    A Polaroid 1 Step.
  96. What's better than 4 roses on a piano?
    2 lips on an organ.
  97. What do you call a heard of masturbating cattle?
    Beef strokenoff.
  98. Why does an elephant have 4 feet?
    Because 8 inches isn't enough.
  99. What do you call gay guys named Bob?
    Oral Roberts.
  100. How do you get an Italian woman pregnant?
    Cum in her shoes and let the flys do the rest.
  101. What's white and has seven dents?
    Snow White's cherry.
  102. What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?
    I don't know, but it sure picks a lot of strawberrys.
  103. What do Soy Beans and Dildo's have in common?
    They'er both meat substitutes.
  104. What do you call with an abortion?
    Decalfinated.
  105. Why don't chicken wear underwear?
    Because their pecker is on their face.
  106. What do you call a pimple on a Pollacks ass?
    A brain tumor.
  107. Have you heard of the new Proctor and Gamble product?
    Toxic shock absorbers.
  108. Have you heard of the Toxic Shock rock group?
    They only play ragtime.
  109. What do eating pussy and the mafia have in common?
    One slip of the tounge and you're in shit.
  110. How do you make paper dolls?
    Screw an old bag.
  111. How can you tell a head nurse?
    She's the one with dirty knees.
  112. Have you heard about the new Oriental cookbook?
    101 way to wok you dog.
  113. What do you call this (Puff cheeks out)?
    A Polish sperm bank.
  114. What do you call this (Stick tounge out)?
    A lesbian with a hard on.
  115. What do you call a Mexican baptism?
    Bean dip.
  116. Have you heard about the new Mexican war movie?
    Tacolips Now.
  117. What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?
    He married her.
  118. What do the Post Office and Kinnys Shoes have in common?
    They both have 10,000 loafers.
  119. How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree?
    Wave to him.
  120. How do you cure a Jewish woman with Nymphomania?
    Marry her.
  121. Who is Billy Jean King's latest advertising sponsor?
    Snap On Tools.
  122. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
    Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
  123. Why did the Italian staple his nuts together?
    Since he couldn't lick 'em, he joined 'em.
  124. If there are three Pollacks sitting on a couch, which is the cocksucker?
    The one spitting out feathers.
  125. How do you keep a Moron in suspence?
    (Say nothing more.)
  126. What do you get when you cross a black guy with Bo Derek?
    A ten of spades.
  127. What do you do when a kotex catches fire?
    Tamp-on it.
  128. What's invisable and smells like carrots?
    A bunny fart.
  129. How can you tell Dolly Partons kids in a crowd?
    They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.
  130. What's old, wrinkled, and smells like Ginger?
    Fred Astair's face.
  131. Which of the following doesn't belong? Meat, eggs, wife, or blow job?
    A blow job, because you can't beat it.
  132. Why do black guys wear high heeled shoes?
    To keep their knuckles from scraping the ground.
  133. What will they call the first black test tube baby?
    Janitor in a drum.
  134. Why can't little black kids play in sandboxes?
    Because the cats keep trying to bury them.
  135. What's the definition of a virgin?
    An ugly third grader.
  136. What does an elephant use for a tampon?
    A sheep.
  137. What's black and white and rolls down the beach?
    A nigger and a seagull fighting over a carp.
  138. What's brown and white and looks good on a nigger?
    A doberman.
  139. Why is semen white and pee yellow?
    So a Pollack can tell them apart.
  140. How are jello and a woman alike?
    They both quiver when you eat them.
  141. What is black, white and red and rolls on the ground?
    A wounded nun.
  142. Why are flat rocks and girls alike?
    You skip the flat ones.
  143. Did you hear about the Norwegian who:
    1. Spent four days in Sears looking for a miscarriage?
    2. Looked in the lumber yard for a draft board?
    3. Tried to throw himself on the ground and missed?
    4. Took a roll of toilet paper to a craps game?
    5. Thought asphalt was rectum trouble?
    6. Studied five days for a urine test?
    7. Thought manual labor was the President of Mexico?
    8. The was sleeping in the farmers field, got cold, then got up and shut the gate?
    9. Took his pregnant wife to the grocery store because he'd heard they had free delivery?
    10. Put iodine on his paycheck because he got a cut in pay?
    11. Built a basement in his ice shanty, and drowned?
    12. Picked apart his nose to see what made it run?
    13. Brought home some new snow tires, but they melted?
    14. Dropped his gum in the chicken coop, and thought he'd found it five times?

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