Food Stamps.....
That's right, I said Food Stamps.
It may be hard to believe, but right here in a book which carries a title declaring the contents herein will deal directly with the contents of Jeans; and is written by an author whom is known for dealing with perverted plots and themes, is a story that starts at the food stamp office.
The uninitiated will find nothing perverse or even twisted in the thought of food stamps. Then there are the rest. It is for the rest, that I begin my tale in a food stamp office. The rest, will understand full well the perversions that take place in those small innocent, offices of the food stamp organization.
It may help the uninitiated if they knew something about the food stamp program.
The short course is; find a food stamp, and read which division, of which department, of which branch of the government controls food stamps, and your education will be exponentially expanded. Economics 101 is now concluded.
Have a good vacation.
When time are tough, times are tough. The way most of us in the lowest 30% income bracket can really tell when things are getting tight is when we spend more than four days a month thinking about who gets a piece of our paycheck. If you think about it more than that, your are not living like the rest of us and have more money than in takes to exist, or, times are tough and you have no money.
If in fact times are tough, then your probable course will take you to the food stamp people at some point in time. Not that I'm bragging, but I've found myself the proud owner of an epic length food stamp application. Just filling it out (the application) can be a good weeks worth of labor. That's if you just fill it in by reading the general heading for each box. If you're literate and do read the fine print it should be classed more as a labor of love than filling in an application.
Those people (at food stamps) would just love it if I ever told the truth about how many pets I own. I usually say one, the dog, and forget to write in the latest estimate of resident fleas along for the ride. If you ever get out your great aunts magnifying glass, by the letter of the law you would have to report resident flees, spiders, ants, flies and termites who are presently in your domestic food chain.
Perversion. It's a inexhaustible resource for a twisted author to draw upon for subject matter. Is that food for thought, or just more fodder for fertilizer. You guess.
As I was saying, times were tough, and I was making the usual rounds of money saving agencies as part of my survival routine, the food stamp program being on my required stops list. Renewal time was here and I spent the day in the orientation watching the same copy of the tape they've had been running for about... Forget it, I'm not going to date myself that closely.
I was comfortably waiting for show time in my church pew, when I found something much more interesting to watch than an original version of the food stamp ten commandments. It was a first for me. Instant lust at the Food Stamp double feature. Well, maybe I should say interest in deference to the programs PG rating.
In my infinite patience with the, "hurry up and wait" mentality, I was documenting the number of holes in an acoustic ceiling tile. Every now an then my concentration was broken as another applicant slipped into the posh viewing room, and I would have to start again. (the number 912 seems to stick in my mind.)
On that particular day, I was there to renew my certification. Soon a young woman came to our exclusive showing room who I didn't recognize. I did however recognize the absolutely striking features she presented to the world, as, striking. I also recognized that the jeans she was wearing were a famous national brand.
She took a table seat on the corner of the table just in front of me, and I suddenly forgot my research into acoustic anything, and began a much more important investigation into denim static strength tests. I made notes on shear strength, bias strain and flexing deflection. I then turned my attention to seam design and lay up then proceeded to lateral retention.
This woman observed my interest in denim design limitations and began demonstrating the more enviable abilities the material has over others reportedly well suited to the same duty as denim. It is these other abilities which keeps denim the leader in the field. My findings at the time were that denim is the best value for the dollar in all round performance. The performance tests I witnessed were extensive in range, and the repetitions numbered well above any previous reports I am aware of.