NOTE: CSD Bashing, a book I wrote while engaged in legal battle for custody and future of my son, Tylor, which may be found by using the following link:
CSD Bashing The Book, Title page;
or, cut and paste or type in the full URL: www.jdhoeye.com\bash\csd001.html
For too long I've hated those who I saw were mistaken about how I treated my children. At the time I thought the reason for their acts was completely the product of laziness and greed with perhaps a dose of sadistic pleasure for some. However, there also was that un-realized part which I did not then understand. My own blindness to how others percieved me. While I always new there must be something I was not being told, it wasn't until recently that I became aware of exactly what those reports were or what the source was.
The following is my account of what happened at the time. This account does not relate the words which were being said at the time.
It's true I did at least once physically abuse Eric. Their, the school and CSD, mistakes were to think it occurred with intent, or; was cronic in nature. They were also mistaken to think it was ever directed toward Tylor.
If it makes any difference, I did not "Punch" Eric with a closed fist as the report seems to indicate.
I'll never forget two things about that moment. The blow was delivered with an open hand, and; I regreted it as soon as it happened.
At the moment it happened I recognized this. Even though the blow was a reaction, rather than an intentional act, did not then, and does not now, negate the wrongness of it.
That I carry no guilt for what I did is not because I am not guilty of the act. I did however forgive myself for doing it, but only after coming to the following conclusions some hours after the fact.
All I can say is that the memory of the guilt I felt at the time has been more than sufficient to keep me from ever striking a child again.
When I read the account of that incident in the school teachers diary about Tylor my first reaction was to check and see if I'd missed where the diary had ended and some other report had begun. (First I had to overcome the shock of reading something I have never been proud of, not to mention had never thought about in the context of CSD and Tylor.) After discovering that indeed that incident was actually reported in Mr. Krizes diary about Tylor it didn't take long to percieve the sequence of events, and most importantly understand how CSD came to have such a total mind set my abuse and neglect of Tylor.
In the time short time since I made that discovery I've revised many of the things I had guessed about what happened in Alpine school and the town itself.
Much of what happened now takes on a whole different light. The motives of CSD become almost reasonable, even if they weren't. Even Paul Vechiis attitude is more in keeping with how things must have looked.
That CSD and the school were wrong has not changed. That what they assumed was a open and shut, textbook case of abuse, neglect and denial was not true, is not effected by what I now understand. Both the school and CSD have done something which every one of them should have known better than to do. They assumed. In essence they looked at the cover and made an instant judgment about the book.
What was done screams of what happened in Salem, Mass. At that time it was a Witch Hunt. What happened in Alpine is startlingly similar. Thankfully the similarity ends somewhere before anyone dies, but not before the emotional damage to Tylor and his family is permanent. And not before the monitary cost to the State is far greater than any special education Tylor needed before this modern witch hunt commenced.
I know now what the travisty of CSD is as it works now. It's the same travisty that happened in Salem so many years ago. That travisty is played out when the words of children are used as the basis of action. In Salem many were accused and suffered horrible exicutions as witches because the words of children were taken at face value. After all, why would a child lie.
In this case the words of Eric, who only wanted to be free of his little brother, were the words that were taken as gosple. Why would Eric lie.
Well, he didn't. Just as the words of those Salem, Mass. children weren't lies. It was the adults who got carried away with their assumptions then, and it was the adults who were carried away by their assumptions this time.
Mistakes have been made which cannot be undone, and this time it is the children who CSD sought to protect who have suffered the most. For those who died in Salem, death at least ended the torment and suffering. But Tylor and Eric must live there lives with the scares of CSD's acts.
None of this excuses my part. None of this makes me any less guilty of those things I've done wrong. On the other hand at least I can say I tried to make my decisions based on all the facts I could gather. At least I tried to check my information before acting.
Perhaps I should forgive those who acted so wrongly. My material losses are hardly worth noting in comparison to what their mistakes have cost the taxpayers. As an adult with an understanding of why I can see how they came to assume what was assumed. Through the course of events I've been guilty of my own assumptions also. Perhaps I should lay down my pen and forgive them. After all, their cause was noble.
Maybe I should since it seems that any malaice I hold will soon be without an object. The legislature has changed the law and CSD as I know it will soon be a thing of the past. In light of the fact that any law suit I bring to bear, even if won, would do anything to undo the acts that have been done.
Besides, who would pay any judgments awarded? Not those whose acted in the name of Child Protection. Any judgment would be paid by those who have already paid. Those honest citizens known as tax payers would pay those judgments while the people who made the mistakes will go on with their lives.
Might I suggest that they wrote their own termination when they made these same mistakes in far too many cases. What I find revolting is that these same people will simply move over and take up their work in the new order created by law. And what, may I ask, will keep them from taking the words of children as the basis of their cases?
I wonder.