Here is a tail so punny -- it's almost funny -- Tons of puns! Does anyone dig puns? I dig clams! Count the puns and win a free calendar! Here's a story of reel value! a Gold Flake! The best value of a reel is having it hooked onto the big end of a fishing pole. Did you ever sea a Pole Fish? Here's a reeling, punny tail! You can sea we're sunk for a few Minnows of PUNishment!

Well, let's sea... Yawl'ave heard tell of tall fish tails... Well... This one's a tail of a whale sounding under-current fanta-seas.

It was 13 Minnow's past 1300; the date was april 41st, a-sea'n it had flipped to a quadruple leap year, and I was a-rusin' downtown Atlantis. With my head light, and my eyes blurred, I could Sea Lions all over the road, I'm a-shore!

My Barracuda was in the bay, you know, the shop. It had given me the slip; so I was driving an unleashed Sting Ray, and the silly thing was heating up: It was a-boiling, sea!? So, I reeled into a Shell station an' talked to an eddy.

He said I'd blown a Seal.

I asked 'em, "How much?" for'em to fish out the trouble an' fix it.

He said, "A-boat 20 fins."

Well, it took a little Urchin from me, but I finally got 'em to scale down the coast to a light-house price of 10 Clams.

He was a-fixin' to tackle it, I drifted on over to a beach place called the Oyster Bar... pitted with Barnacles, card Sharks, and Cut-throughts; it Smelt, what a dive!

The pressure was in tanks -- reely bottled up. At first I thought it was a Gag. But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Dolphins.

So I called out to him, "Hi Gill."

I said, "HI GILL" I had t' yell 'cause he was hard o' Herring; an' not only that, Gill was down on his luck too. Fact is, he was havin' a rough time a-keepin' his head below water! Anyway, I bellyed-up to the sandbar and beached myself. He served me the usual: rusty Snail (hold the Grunions), with a peanut butter and Jellyfish sandwich on the half shell, fust for the Halibut. I slipped him a fin on Porpoise; and I was reely feeling good, so I dropped a Sand Dollar in the charity box for Jerry's Squids.

Well, the place was reely crowded. We were packed in like Sardines. They were there to hear the big band sound of Tommy Dorsal and his Strait lead singer, Juan de Fuca; it was a kind -of-a Pu-get Sound: so reel in the Sole. Tommy was a-rockin' a-boat with a favorite Tuna: "Salmon Chanted Evening." The stage was surrounded with screaming Groupers, probably there to see the reed and the Bass players. An' we were all jus' happy an' havin' a reeling good time without a care: 'cause the master's gone away leaving Jimmy ther, a-crakin' the corn with a Broomtail fly! (Don't ask my why.)

Then I noticed this cute little Yellow Tail, an' she would kinda pier at me -- givin' me the eye. She looked like an Angle to me, well worth taking under tow, certainly not a cold, dead fish.

I figured this was my chance to do a little spoonin' so I said to her, "Hi there, Mer-maid, what's your sign?"

She said, "Aquarius."

"Hey great, let's get tanked!"

But she bubbled about things that I jus' couldn't fathom. She was too deep -- under too much pressure. The undertow was netting a catch. I asked for her name, she said it was Barb; and soon I got the point of her sting. Like: I threw out a lure t' land her in my cabin for a little midnight bait, or a white cap.

I said, "We could jus' take only a few Minnows, or we could borrow Tad's Pole and do a little casting on the side. Better yet, let's make some music. You sing first and second Tuna, I'll sing Barracuda an' Bass."

Her tolling voice rang loud "an clear: "When you're off the reef you lurch th pitch, an' you can't make a coral sound atoll."

I spouted out: "You've kindled my flame with sun-baked reeds and dried fish sticks. Let's go a-drift together!"

But she handed me that same old fish-line: "Not tonight, I got a Hoddock!"

Nnn' she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cause in came the biggest, the meanest, an' the ugliest lookin' Haddock I'd ever seen come down the Norther Pike. I could see there was sum'in' FISHY about 'em. He looked moored like a Rat to me. He was all covered with Mussels. You could see the anchor in his eye.

He came over to me an' he said, "Listen, Shrimp, don't cha' come a-trollin' 'round here! YER jus' too Wolffish!"

"Wolffish? A-balone," I said. "Wea Ear! YER jus' bein' SHELLFISH, a Bullhead; don't be such a Crab."

Well, I knew he was gonna make waves and ther'd be a rumble and I knew I Acta-pus his face in. So did Gill: he was on the phone callin' the Cods for kelp, 'cause this buoy's dog-tag Red "Snapper, Sock-eye!" Then this headache -- duh, I mean, Haddock, lands me with a Sucker-punch (Isea-Star's fish), then I catch him with a left hook (he Eels over). What a Fluke! I had thought maybe he had a Steel Head, but there he was, sprawled on the deck, flat as a Mack-erel, kelpless, a split head!

I said, "Forget the Cods, Gill; what this buoy needs is a Sturgeon!"

Now, the little Yellow Tail was impressed; she was a-gaffed! I mean, she was reely hooked on the way I'd landed her buoy friend.

She came over t' me an' whispered, "A-hoy ther, big Cat, you're no underDog or a Monk on a string; yer some game fish, sharp as a Sword! What's your name?"

I said, "Marlin."

From then on we had a Wale of a time. I took her to a School dance, I took her out for a nibble dinner. I even bought her a bouquet of Flounders. Then I got wind it was a-boat high tide for me to get Trout o' the place an' set sail for the main stream.

"Well, that's not too swift," she said.

"Tis is Otter nonsence! I shored fish you'd drop Anchor!"

But... anyway, I saddled up my old Sea-horse (a-sea'n the Sting I'd gotten from my unleashed Ray); and as I rode on out, there she was, a-sittin' on her front Perch, a Comb in her hair, a-swingin' and a-swigglin' in the shade of the old Crab-apple tree.

I said, "So long, honey, I Hake to Squirrel off, but I must be la-goon. I'll sea-ye-a-shore to Ma-hi-Ma-hi" (That's Hawaiian for, "I'll be back to-Moray!") "Or -- I'll write an' keep yuh current"

Then I Clammed up, snapped a rod, and reeled out. Well, needless to say, I Lobster -- Some one else Flounder! (Frankly Scallop, I don't give a Clam!) Thusly, as the sun sinks into the sea, so goes the trail of a Whale sounding. Under current phonetics..... this is a reel breaker?!

The Finn